A Day In The Life (Raw Yet Real Addiction)

Goddamn, did I choose the right day to start this blog. My last post I had been accepted to detox for the umpteenth time and after posting decided to go out in style. I left home Wednesday morning with 10 bucks and a offer from a friend to smoke a bubble of Ice with me. I intended to be gone an hour, come back to my wife, spend my last hrs before detox with her. What ended up happening was a run for the ages that ended with me ripping off one dealer and trying to set up 3 more who wouldn’t bite. I came home around 7pm with 12 bags of fentanyl, 200 cash, and a couple grams of ice. About 200 in random shit i got from the dealer I burnt.

Dude was soft and an easy target. I knew he’d be easy when he got frustrated and made a irritating sound and I told him to put a name on his bitch ass noises and he immediately backed down. I took him to a couple gay dudes home and he sold them a quarter for 375. Dropped a ball on my floor of my car. I asked him if that was some kind of sick fucking joke to have me searching my car for the next 6 months for that shit.

Was taking him to the hospital across town and he fell asleep with a knot of cash in his hand. I quickly pulled what I could from the wad and pulled into the hospital lot and yelled. “Get out of my car, nigga. ” loud as fuck. He’d been up days and liked to shit his pants and jumped out and I drove off with all of his shit. Feel like a piece of shit now but I gave my wife a full tank and a hundred dollars entering detox unfortunately I lost my mind on her that night. Yelled at her the entire night so we are not in the best place right now. Was going to enter a Residential program but she was going to leave me if I did. I came home last night to learn i shot all 12 bags, 3 at a time, in front of my ministry major wife and social worker roommate. Roommate completely cool. Wife not so much. Was offered a room in my dudes home in Florida when my roommate asked me this morning what I look forward to and my only answer was death. I told my wife I thought I took my final turn at the crossroad in my life that would lead to my death by leaving detox last night. This Florida offer could be my saving grace. Wife won’t commit but I’m going with or without her. If not i have no doubt she’ll be identifying my body within a year. Columbus has nothing but bad memories. I know i can’t outrun my addiction but I can leave behind the bad memories. Everywhere I go here is a reminder of my 20 years of chasing my addiction. Hope she comes. Have decided to leave her behind if not. She knew what i was when we got married. I put off the wedding 4 times to make sure she was committed and knew what she was getting into. I’m an addict of the worst kind. All or nothing, go for broke, and once the wheel gets turning its not stopping until it flys off from complete structural failure from being pushed to the limits. Liked to die in detox. Got out and was handed a dime of ice to get me through the rest of the fetty withdrawal from and about to get paid to run a dealer to copp. This is my life in Columbus. It’s leave or die. Keep following this blog to Live A Day In The Life of a true addict and live my success and failures. I am trusting a close friend to post the obituary or news story of my death once it happens if I stay the road I’m on. Enjoy the ride because this is my life and the story you get is exactly what went down. Day 1-5 of a day in the life. Couldn’t have been more fucking real of a start. See u next time.

If you are not someone who suffers from drug or alcohol addiction you should not only thank God for not cursing you with this affliction. You should withhold judgment of those people who are. At least keep that judgment to yourself. It drives me crazy when I see the Facebook post that comes up once a week on my timeline in one form or another. I’m not on drugs, Addiction not a disease it’s a choice, Addicts get free whatever but cancer patients have to pay, ect, ect…Not sure if it’s to make the person that posted feel better about themselves. Possibly to remind their families that they could be worse. Hell, I don’t really know because my first Facebook or social media in general post was about just getting out of rehab and deciding to change my life. That was September of 2014. My entire recovery has been documented on my multiple social media accounts and my life before finding recovery didn’t have time, care, or knowledge to post on social media and had I the life I lived from 1994-2014 was not something I was proud of and definitely didn’t want to share it with people from my past, family, or friends. I was incarcerated half of the time and trying to get incarcerated the other half. Even in inrecovery I am never far from relapse and total self destruction. Longest stretch is 6 months completely clean and average about 3-4 months between relapses but I have yet to give up and every day I fight this fucking affliction I was born with. I hope that by openly and honestly sharing my daily thoughts and struggles someone who doesn’t understand their family members addiction will see the things we go through and struggle with every single day. Hopefully that person is a friend of mine on Facebook and decides to not post the thing he was going to that puts those fighting addiction down and himself above them. Then it will be one less that goes across my timeline and this entire blog will be worth it in my eyes. That is my goal with this blog. Reach 1 person from my friends list and change their mind and instead of Post they delete the shit they were going to say and it never gets to my timeline. An easy goal but one I may never know for sure if I hit but I’m a confident man and am going to believe that A Day In The Life already reached that goal on day 1 and everything from here on is exceeding my goals and expectations.

Thanks for joining me. I am 6 years into my journey of recovery. While suffering the occasional slip I have stayed focused and kept my eyes on the prize. The minute I forget that I once lived a life of incarceration, crime, near death experiences, homelessness, and misery that life will become my present reality. This blog will share both my success stories and failures. I will be completely honest regardless of my recovery status. Hopefully you will understand the struggle of the addicted a little better by following my story and fight with addiction. I am proud of the title “drug addict” because I’ve come so far but even if I end up back where I once was I at least know I have what it takes to succeed. 5 years of success has shown me that and I hope the next 5 I can be more successful in keeping my sobriety and eventually even someone that normal people consider successful. If not for my struggles with drugs I most likely would be there already but I am very open with my addiction and while in recovery for 6 years, I have not been clean 6 years. I consider myself successful because I have changed and continue to better my life yet some family and friends consider me a failure because I still use regardless of how much I’ve changed my life for the better. I have multiple relapses but have never given up and have always gotten help once my use is out of control. Currently I am waiting for a bed in detox but that doesn’t make me a failure. It makes me a drug addict who has changed his life but still struggles with his addiction. I am not a member of any of the As groups. Unfortunately they think I’m a failure even though professionally, personally, and every way but consecutive clean days I am more successful than 90% of them. Consecutive days clean is my weak spot. Meaningful life change for the better is my strong one. Hopefully with this blog and my upcoming trip to detox I can change that and put together a streak Ol Bill and his friends are impressed by. We’ll see soon. 5/20/2020. My last day waiting for detox, I hope.

Sometimes you can only find heaven by slowly backing away from Hell…

Quote by Anonymous Drug Addict